Baby training with my cousins!

Cousin reunion, plus meeting Naomi for the first time!

Hello, little cousin. I have much to teach you.

My mission in America is going very well. As part of being a baby-turned-little kid, my job in life is to train up other babies in the ways they should go. I have done exceptional work with my siblings creating a very rowdy and adventurous brood that brings a tornado of destruction wherever we go. Roman Empire? Well, you know what happened there!

And now, here in the metropolis of New York,  I've started working with my cousin Theo, who is 2.5 years old. I'm proud to report that within one week of sleepovers in the same room, I trained him to abandon his excellent sleeping habits (12 hours a night, never awaking before 7) and instead start stirring at 5 a.m. never to return to sleep again for the day!

In fact, he earned his certificate of excellence when one morning, rather than me waking him up, Theo awoke first before any of us, at 5:30, and immediately went scampering downstairs to bother Mimi and GongGong!

Another part of my training course has been to have Theo forgo his rather consistent and solid afternoon nap. That was a no-brainer. When you're running with the big boys, you don't nap. You run.

All. Day. Long.

Theo has done things he has never before known possible - and all thanks to us who are teaching him the ways of babies. As he is an oldest child like myself, I was concerned that his training needed a boost since he is not surrounded by older and wiser children who can pass along their wisdom. I need not have worried, he is a quick learner.

His training has been splendid. In addition to his new zombie state of sleeplessness, one day his mommy, Zemmy (Zia Em), found him sitting on the dining room table while trying to wrest the Legos from Lucas. He was spotted there only after knocking over a cup of coffee.

In another session, Raia taught him to smash all of the clay colors together into one monotone mass.

Theodorable has also learned to rip off his shoes and go barefoot at many inconvenient times and locations as we are wont to do. For example, when we arrive at Nanni's, we instantly remove shoes immediately and go running through the senior living space thus much to the horror of the residents and workers alike.

In this photo, we taught Theo how not to pose for pictures
thereby ruining an all-the great grandchildren photo!

Showing off and barefoot

The shirt says it all

We also taught Theo that it is a God-given right for
a child to steer Nanni's wheelchair, as pictured

Theo has learned the ways of iPads as well: One, to take any iPad you see and just use it; And two, to walk up to anyone with an iPad and touch the screen thereby changing everything and causing untold angst.

Most importantly, we have instilled in Theo a sudden and very high sense of independence and unwarranted adulthood. We as children run the world, and we should act like it.

This is what babies do. We pass down our traditions and laws to the up and coming generation. Hence centuries worth of sleeplessness and parental anxiety have roiled mankind.

Or it could be that he's 2 and that our training happens to coincides with this general phase of life. Basically we become uncontrollable wrecking balls and bring many character-building challenges into the lives of our parents. Mommy was slightly apologetic about that to Zemmy, but then again, misery craves company.

And thus our days have gone during a week of raucous reunion activities.

We will work on Naomi next year. 

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How to (Survive) a Routine Blood Test with Your Child

No pictures were taken during the event in
question, the blood test...

For the same reason very few pictures are taken at restaurants:
Not enough adults hands are available!

Tips for better blood draw
Recommended blood tests for T21

Don’t let the word “routine” fool you - there is nothing routine about drawing blood from a child. Especially a cantankerous one with translucent veins. Such as myself.

Mommy knows that she should push for blood tests more often, at least every six months, as in my condition things such as leukemia, hypothyroidism and vitamin and mineral deficiencies can creep up unexpectedly. But as you can see by the sporadic posting on this blog, life gets the better of us and mommy doesn't have enough hands, brain cells or secretaries to stay on top of all of our divergent and ever-present needs. So she doesn’t fight for more than an annual blood test at this point.

The links show you how to physically prepare your child for the blood test. But the following list, composed by mommy and abba, shows how to emotionally and physically prepare yourself for my blood and other lab tests.

1. Get referral from doctor (preferably without child present). Go armed with list and printouts of all information backing up your reasons for requesting certain tests. Usually this type of research, if you are like mommy, must begin a month in advance and lots of time on Google.
2. Spend the next two weeks psyching yourself up for taking me to the lab.
3. After those two weeks, spend the following week coordinating mommy and daddy’s work schedules, school schedules, therapies, errands and praying that no cars break down or a child stays home sick one of those days.
4. Pack food for me for after the blood test. I dislike everything you serve me, but since I will have to fast that morning I will want to eat anything - before we leave the house and I will duly protest in the same manner I protest when you do try to serve me food.
5. On said day of the rush to the lab, pray that I pee in a cup. Prepare to spend up to 45 minutes plying me with water and the iPad while holding a cup precariously beneath me. Remember, getting stressed only causes urine to retreat into the body, so maintain your cool despite spending almost an hour in the bathroom while siblings are running around the house unfed and still in pajamas.
6. Give up and try again the next day. 
7. Three days later, after I finally urinate into the cup, rush off to the lab with raucous celebration.
8. Entertain me in the waiting room and then in the lab while waiting for the attendant to assemble all the flasks. Act cool like nothing painful or bloody is about to take place.
9. Pick a strategy: distract and entertain or coax and coddle. Neither work, but you have to pick a tactic. 
10. Two adults pin my body prone (or try) so that the needle doesn’t come out spurting blood around the lab. 

And yay! It’s over! And just like that, realize most of my tears were false.

11. Remove flask of alcoholic beverage from your pocket and down a few shots to calm your frazzled nerves. I’m fine by now and I don’t even want the snacks you packed!

You may spend the rest of the day feeling guilty that you didn’t do enough in advance for the lab worker to find my vein. Or that you didn’t hold my legs strong enough to prevent her from getting clocked in the groin by my foot. By accident. But at least you don’t have to worry about it until next year when a different guilt reminds you to do this all over again!

Remember the Law of Babies: Routine blood test = game of chess with your schedules, your emotions, your physical prowess and your fine motor skills with a pee cup. Don't kid yourself about routine.

And good luck!

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Welcome, Private! We are Your Family

Welcome, Private! (Theo!) He doesn't move much yet,
but he's well on his way to all sorts of baby exploits!

Impossible to get a non-blurry photo these days.
We are movers and shakers!

Non

Stop

Movement

A few days ago, before our new and first first cousin entered the world mommy reminded us of the gift of life and said that Zemmy (Zia Em or Aunt Emily) would be having Theo soon. But we babies set the record straight forthwith.

"No," corrected Lucas. "We are going to have Theo soon."

Yes. The cousins shall have him. We claim him. He is one of us. He is ours.

And now it has happened. Officially, Theodore Walter Boyd arrived to our world on Jan. 26, 2016 at 7:59 a.m. Zemmy did all the work but we all have him now.

Now we don't know much if anything (nothing really), about the birds and the bees. We do know this, however: We are going to have Theo. All. To. Ourselves.

We shall disciple him. We shall teach him the ways of babies. We shall pass on all of our natural and acquired wisdom to the new cousin, Private, as he shall be known to us. He shall join our adventures.

I know that with this statement Zemmy and Uncle Hart are trembling with fear, but are also relieved that we live so far away and may not be able to exert our influence on a daily basis (save for telepathically). But we are nonplussed. God has created each baby with an innate knowledge of "the code." Theo already knows how to be baby! He will follow in the path we have carved for him. And we will show up a few times a year to conference on how we can all enhance our baby skills.

A theory that floats about is that one's birth experience as a baby is indicative of their personality. Take our family for example:

• Me, Daniel: Extremely dramatic - Check!
• Lucas: Right on time but most painful - Check!
• Raia: Impatient and bulldozer-esque - Check! Check!

What does this mean for Theo and his birth? Slightly early yet extremely stubborn in actually  making his way down the hatch. Hours and hours. It can only mean good things. And good luck to Zemmy and Uncle Hart! That's all I can say.

Here is our official welcome to Theo and you can see how he fits perfectly into his new family in the following video starring Rico as Daniel, Skipper as Lucas, Raia as Kowalski and in his debut role, Theo as Private!! (As per Lucas and his observation... seriously he made the parallel a week ago after watching the movie.)

We are so excited to see how Private will participate in our shenanigans!!

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The Danger Zone

When I asked mommy why she hasn't posted a blog of mine in so long, her response was, "My first priority is to keep you and Lucas alive. That leaves no time for blogs."

So after a long bout of holidays which basically ate up the entire month of September, we have all been safely back at school, ensconced in our daily routine. And when I say "safely" I mean our apartment is now slightly more safe from the destructive force of toddlers. And we are slightly more safe from windows, bookshelves and electrical equipment.

And that long, destructive month has extended well into October on the weekends.

Yes, we turn ordinary household items into WMDs as we gravitate toward danger and look for more effective ways to speed up the aging process of our parents.

Here is a pictorial essay of our last few weeks:

Lucas squeezed himself into a toy meant for
about half his age and size

Look mom! I can climb - and probably leap off!

But I won't (yet)

Lucas might. We discovered we can move the
toy basket into the living room so we could
climb it there as well

Lucas learned how to shampoo my hair

Oh look! A grill! The things we can do...

Lucas being self-disciplined - spanking  himself

This use for the potty gives new meaning to piano "stool"

Why would one sit on a moving bus when
they can do something more dangerous?

We were not limited to our own apartment as we brought our devious ways to Nene and Dede's home.

We learned to scale
their kitchen table!

Never leave food within baby's reach...

...Or put baby's reach near the food. Stymied!

Please note who appears in the majority of the photos. I believe that makes me the less naughty baby.

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The DNA of Discoverers: Engineering Babies, part III

Great minds dress their children alike...

...even by accident. This particular day, being non-morning people,
mommy and abba did just that with no knowledge of what the other
parent did. It was pre-coffee.

Our shirts say "I (pizza slice decal, presumably 'love') pizza"

Which came first - the t-shirt or its truth?
Never were truer words ever emblazoned on a t-shirt

We were quiet. Too quiet. That alerted our parents that something must be wrong. Abba snuck in behind us.

This is what he saw: Both Lucas and I standing near the wall, heads cocked to the side, deep in contemplation. Electrical cord in one hand (I won't say who's), but two babies, as one, willing the prongs to align properly into the socket.

"What are you doing?" Abba's voice pierced the moment, ending our quest for a proper plug in.

Abba quickly shut down the operation. "But did you get a picture first?" Mommy asked. (Priorities.)

We can't help it. God made us this way. The curiosity of discoverers and engineers has imbued our DNA. Long has the Spirit of the Schiavi Brothers come to rest on Lucas and I. See, we take after GongGong and his younger brother Anthony. GongGong was an electrical engineer for decades and now runs a vast network of computers - two big hobbies of Lucas and mine. And Uncle Anthony was a chemist in the making, running experiments - preferably on his bed - with chemicals he requested that his brother sneak out of the school labs. Well, at that time, he didn't have to "sneak" chemicals out of labs because in those days experiments with chemicals were usually run on beds, not public spaces.

Uncle Anthony was blessed that his own children, John and David, had their own version of the Spirit of the Schiavi Brothers rest upon them. They certainly had their own tales of dissecting computers, downloading fatal viruses onto them, quoting key lines from cartoons even in church ("What's he got there - corn liquor?" Johnny asked of the priest during communion) and creating other public spectacles, sometimes with relatives from Italy present - a big faux pas in that culture (between tears: "Grandma, mommy choked me! It's not right to choke a little child!").

Then there is also Gianni, first cousin of GongGong and Anthony, who had his own share of engineering techniques like experimenting with vanishing ink for the first time ever on his mother's brand new white couch. Luckily the vanishing part of the name lived up to expectations, although it was a tense few minutes as Gianni waited out his fate with Zia Adele, his mother. He says he never prayed so hard in his life.

No matter what their eventual career choices, these relatives of mine liked to get into the nitty gritty of how things worked - and that usually meant to take those things apart. Or to light firecrackers indoors in a box next to your father's bed. Or set the curtains on fire. Or aim rubber-tipped cannons at freshly painted white walls in the house in order to assess one's aim.

Lucas and I still have much to aspire to!

Lucas apprenticed with a carpenter one day at the market

Actually he stalked him. Naturally.

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Zia EM's Visit, Part II in a Requested Three-Part Series

Zia Em takes a momentary break from simultaneously feeding
two babies to snap a photo of this life-changing experience

I'll give it to her, she does deserve another blog after last night. During her vacation here in Israel, Zia Em took on the monumental task of babysitting two babies for hours upon hours while mommy and abba flitted off to a wedding in Jaffa - not around the corner and far enough away to make this a very serious endeavor.

Admittedly, we eased up on full-on baby trickery for Zia Em's first solo sitting expedition, but we did throw in a few challenges in order to keep things interesting.

One of our specialities is demanding to be fed at the same time. That is a challenge on several levels:

1. Food preparation. Lucas and I can't always eat the same food so good luck preparing two meals - at the appropriate temperature - to a cacophony of impatient screaming.
2. Two bowls. That requires keeping things distinct and separate plus keeping two bowls rather than one away from the roving hands of babies. Even an octopus would be challenged!
3. Two spoons. These also must be kept separate because of germs. Never mind that we probably already traded cheechungs (pacifiers) and stole swigs from each other's bottles countless times the same day.

All of this must be performed to the tune of moaning, shrieking or all-out crying: "Feed me! Feed me!" It can be quite stressful.

But Zia Em navigated the challenge with only a modicum of stress and eventually settled into a pattern relaxed enough to enable her to take some photos!

The desperate looks of hunger staring down Zia Em

If you don't act fast, we will!

Success: Happy babies and an empty bowl

All in all, it was a pleasant aunt-nephew bonding experience. And, I believe we successfully tricked Zia Em into thinking she can handle us and even offer to babysit again.

But then we will pull out all the stops. Wink, wink!

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Raising the Stakes

Lucas and I - jockeying for position

So, Lucas, you think you are cute because you can crawl? You think you simply have to learn to sit up and then get going on all fours to wrest some of the spotlight in your direction? A futile venture, young Jedi.

Because ...  I'll see your crawling, and raise you WALKING!!

I'm sorry to say there are no photos or videos of this because Babies' Law (akin to Murphy's Law) states that I will immediately stop, drop and flop once the camera is focused on said activity to be captured on film. So you are going to have to take my word for it. On Saturday I began taking independent steps - an action that I've noticed commandeers much applause and positive reinforcement, my favorites! I decided to also put on a little show at Shalva as well when we returned to school on Monday. What a way to liven up the last week of the school year!

Now, both at home and at school I can turn on the shower of attention by simply walking from Point A to Point B rather than crawling or scooting. I have taken note of this phenomenon. And, my BGF (best girlfriend) Hallel and I are on the same clock as she also started walking this weekend!

Who knows what secrets lurk in the
hearts and minds of babies?

Actually, these steps of mine, taken with such aplomb, were such a natural fluid movement that it looked like I've had this trick up my sleeve for quite some time. And maybe I have. Perhaps I have chosen to conceal this skill from the masses. After all, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that once I admit to walking that the days of being carted around like Royalty will come to a swift end.

However, Lucas forced my hand this time. He had to whip out some new skills and challenge my sphere of attention.

Okay then, let the games begin!

Hugs! (Or a battle for attention?)

Lucas, working on his innocent look

Come and get me Lucas!

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Meet 'Daniel No'

I dare you to get angry at this face!

The main bit of evidence that signals my ongoing transition from baby to toddler is the addition of my new last name - No.

I'm not sure if it is a legal name change, but in all practicality it is what I've heard several times a day for a good few months now. And the more I learn to do in life, the more my new name is reinforced, for some reason.

"Daniel, no closing doors!"
"Daniel, no opening the drawers."
"Daniel, no throwing your bottle!"
"Daniel, no throwing your chuchung!"
"Daniel, no throwing!"
"Daniel, no strangling your brother!"
"Daniel, no disconnecting Shimi's oxygen machine from the electricity!"

Yes, whether at school or at home, I have become Daniel of No. Or Lo, which is no in Hebrew. Good thing they sound alike.

My parents had tried positive child rearing, which discourages use of the word 'no' for a positive spin on things. For example, "Daniel, do nice to Lucas" rather than "Daniel, no smacking your brother in the face!" But after trying that - to no avail - several times, the quicker and sharper 'no!' increasingly crept in there to replace the positive spin. And with good reason. A loud no can get my attention while a whole sentence can be lost in the background.

But it is that loud and personal no that has caught my attention for other reasons.

See, all of this is apparently some part of an elusive learning process where I am to gather that every cause has an effect. And despite my parents, grandparents and teachers all thinking that this lesson is lost on me, I argue the contrary. I have learned the effect of my cause: When they say 'no' I get more attention! Accordingly, I have learned which behaviors are worthy of my attention and continue to hone them to perfection.

Like at school, when Gavriella is busy writing in my spy book or doing anything else but paying attention to me, I scoot over to the corner in the classroom where Shimi is sleeping. I have one hand hovering near the oxygen tank plug and one eye focused laser-sharp on Gavriella. By now Gavi has also learned cause and effect too and she knows that "Daniel, lo!" will not be enough. She must dart across the room to whisk me up and ensure Shimi's continued breathing. Then I get to be her sole center of attention for awhile and she loses valuable time describing my days' activities at Shalva in the spy book. A win-win!

At home, we have another cause and effect in action. I know that excitedly showering little brother Lucas with all my love and affection, which usually involves grabbing his shirt by the collar and shaking him with joy while loudly shrieking with delight, is a sure-fire attention getter. "Daniel! No strangling your brother!" is usually accompanied by parental intervention. Each of us then gets swept up into somebody's arms. Lucas also appreciates this and plays his part of distress rather well.


As you can see, I have made such good use of this lesson that I now in fact am teaching it to others, babies and adults alike!

I'm merely experimenting with cause and effect.
What happens when I stick my finger in Lucas' mouth?

The birichino (rascal) look as coined
by my Italian great-grandmother!

Poised for launch - on cue with the word, No!

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One Enchanted Evening

Always conspiring

When a baby blogger fails to write a blog post for one week, so much has happened and so much has been missed by the readers because every day is an adventure in the life of a baby. And thus is the case with me and the week that eluded us all.

First of all, Uncle and Aunt M&M came to visit me all the way from Virginia. After being inundated with family in New York for seven weeks, I was feeling a bit lonely and detached, so having family come to see me helped me ease back into my new old world even further.

The night Uncle Matt and Aunt Majda came to see me, Monday night, I treated them to a specialty of mine that they had not yet experienced: a near brush with a hospital visit! Yes sure enough I downward spiraled into feeling unwell that day and then ultimately just lying flat on the shoulder of anyone who held me.

All of my Israel friends and family have experienced my hospital epics. Then when we went to New York in March, I made sure to include my America family and friends to my "hospitable" theatrics. Only Uncle and Aunt M&M missed out on my exploits since they live in Virginia and my play headlined in NY. So I thought I'd give them a little taste of that.

Regrettably - or not - I wasn't able to muster the full drama to warrant an ER. We simply went to the clinic where my O2 levels were on the good side of "border line"and I tested positive for strep, thereby baffling the doctors again since modern science insists that babies under 2 or 3 (depending who you ask) never get strep. Since I'm so intent on breaking old and setting new records, I have defied the odds twice now.

A quite enchanting evening followed this two nights later when I, tag teaming with Lucas, assistant to the regional manager, decided to wake up every hour, alternating our crying times so as to keep mommy and abba running the entire night. Our great conspiracy worked. Perhaps what kept waking us was the smoke of the traditional wood burning of Lag B'Omer, the one Jewish holiday that would've been banned by Smokey the Bear. Perhaps it was residual drama of the near-ER visit. Perhaps no one will ever know because Lucas and I have a secret pact to keep it quiet.

Since I am being taught to share, I did share my strep throat with mommy. It was an advance Mother's Day gift.

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A Time for Every Event: A Time to Be a Baby

Despite mommy never skipping a beat
with her coffee intake, Lucas manages to sleep

He like to chill

Perhaps I was a bit misleading in a previous entry, two posts ago, when I made Lucas sound like a Tolkien monster while I strummed a harp like a little angel bringing peace and harmony to mankind. These tiny and comatose newborns make bigger babies such as myself us look monstrous in comparison, both in weight and behavior.

The truth is that while Lucas acts like a newborn baby some of the time with his mysterious shrieks and duck call honk, he also acts very much like an infant in other ways. For instance, watching paint dry is a fascinating and riveting activity for him. Conversely, I am not satisfied with anything that does not provide loud bells and whistles, garish colors and sundry interactive buttons that may hold my attention for about 10 seconds. Maximum.

I suppose that for beleaguered parents the lethargic one is a welcomed break from my hyper-hyperness, my current phase of life. As you know, the Book of Ecclesiastes says there is a time for this and a time for that. For our purposes we will focus on a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to tear down and a time to build up, a time to throw (stones) and a time to gather (stones), a time to be silent and a time to speak. While Lucas is displaying some of the baby times, I am profoundly working on the others. For instance, throwing. I don't throw stones, but I do toss anything that comes into my hands. At the moment, I'm not so keen on building up either, but I am an expert at tearing down. Lucas and I are both working on the "time to cry," and actually, we are both simultaneously as well working on a "time to laugh."

Here is an example of my laugh. I worked very hard on it as part of my school day at Shalva. I think I scored an A+, don't you?

Mommy and abba are wondering when the destructive phase of my life will be balanced with a constructive phase. I am adept at knocking down, dismantling and throwing. Building and returning things to their rightful place is still not in my motor-skill vocabulary. But this is a right of passage for all babies. We are expected to be destructive for what may seem like centuries but really is only just a few months (to years). This video illustrates the contrast of baby behavior from one month to one year and five months.

Lucas is is in a pre-destructive phase and so my parents can enjoy this time while grappling with mine. I suppose you could say that for all parents there is a time for this and that as well which directly corresponds to baby times:

A time to savor and a time to sigh in defeat.

A time to proudly take photos and a time to maniacally pull hair out.

A time to laugh. And, for them too, a time to cry!

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Let the Games Begin

Merry Crib-mas!

It is almost comical, but just as Lucas was getting ready to beat me out the doors of the hospital his own saturation levels dipped low when the nurses tried to give him a bottle. Now, this is nothing serious, but it was enough for the doctors to hang onto him as well for another day. As they are doing with me.

Honestly, I think they just love our family too much. It will be hard to see us go. Tears will be shed for sure. We have lit up various wards with Christmas cheer and Hanukkah candles. GongGong, like a little child, brought a suitcase worth of presents to the hospital and decorated my bed with reindeer antlers and slippers. Sure enough, he's almost as big a hit as I am.

Practicing for meeting baby brother

Meanwhile, I have telepathically communicated to Lucas the advantages of lattes over bottles and he seems to have gotten the picture. Thus his refluxing episode when a nurse deigned to give him a bottle rather than call mommy to the nursery. He's a quick learner, that one. I think I may have my hands full.

Time will only tell what tomorrow will hold for all of our releases. Mommy politely suggested to the doctors today that we be allowed to go outside and breathe some non hospital germ-free air. We did, and I slept.

Snoozing outside. Note what the O2 mask did to my cheeks!

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