Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Baby training with my cousins!

Cousin reunion, plus meeting Naomi for the first time!

Hello, little cousin. I have much to teach you.

My mission in America is going very well. As part of being a baby-turned-little kid, my job in life is to train up other babies in the ways they should go. I have done exceptional work with my siblings creating a very rowdy and adventurous brood that brings a tornado of destruction wherever we go. Roman Empire? Well, you know what happened there!

And now, here in the metropolis of New York,  I've started working with my cousin Theo, who is 2.5 years old. I'm proud to report that within one week of sleepovers in the same room, I trained him to abandon his excellent sleeping habits (12 hours a night, never awaking before 7) and instead start stirring at 5 a.m. never to return to sleep again for the day!

In fact, he earned his certificate of excellence when one morning, rather than me waking him up, Theo awoke first before any of us, at 5:30, and immediately went scampering downstairs to bother Mimi and GongGong!

Another part of my training course has been to have Theo forgo his rather consistent and solid afternoon nap. That was a no-brainer. When you're running with the big boys, you don't nap. You run.

All. Day. Long.

Theo has done things he has never before known possible - and all thanks to us who are teaching him the ways of babies. As he is an oldest child like myself, I was concerned that his training needed a boost since he is not surrounded by older and wiser children who can pass along their wisdom. I need not have worried, he is a quick learner.

His training has been splendid. In addition to his new zombie state of sleeplessness, one day his mommy, Zemmy (Zia Em), found him sitting on the dining room table while trying to wrest the Legos from Lucas. He was spotted there only after knocking over a cup of coffee.

In another session, Raia taught him to smash all of the clay colors together into one monotone mass.

Theodorable has also learned to rip off his shoes and go barefoot at many inconvenient times and locations as we are wont to do. For example, when we arrive at Nanni's, we instantly remove shoes immediately and go running through the senior living space thus much to the horror of the residents and workers alike.

In this photo, we taught Theo how not to pose for pictures
thereby ruining an all-the great grandchildren photo!

Showing off and barefoot

The shirt says it all

We also taught Theo that it is a God-given right for
a child to steer Nanni's wheelchair, as pictured
Theo has learned the ways of iPads as well: One, to take any iPad you see and just use it; And two, to walk up to anyone with an iPad and touch the screen thereby changing everything and causing untold angst.

Most importantly, we have instilled in Theo a sudden and very high sense of independence and unwarranted adulthood. We as children run the world, and we should act like it.

This is what babies do. We pass down our traditions and laws to the up and coming generation. Hence centuries worth of sleeplessness and parental anxiety have roiled mankind.

Or it could be that he's 2 and that our training happens to coincides with this general phase of life. Basically we become uncontrollable wrecking balls and bring many character-building challenges into the lives of our parents. Mommy was slightly apologetic about that to Zemmy, but then again, misery craves company.

And thus our days have gone during a week of raucous reunion activities.

We will work on Naomi next year.