Tuesday, November 15, 2011

At Least I'm not a Shark




When God posed the question "can a nation be born in a day?" what he actually was asking, using brilliant symbolism for what seemed impossible but could happen miraculously was: Can a baby cut all his teeth in one short period of time like in the same week or the same day even? And the answer is, apparently, yes! 

Not only I am plagued by the plague of some anonymous virus that is producing oceans of mucous that stream from my nose, but now I also have swollen gums and a veritable pending eruption of teeth, as the doctor put it. What a word: eruption. The word pending is also significant. It makes the whole matter worse since there is no predicting exactly when the teeth will cut through and the misery will be over. This could go on a long time. 

My gums are currently swollen to record levels. Enough to warrant a trip to the doctor to make sure I was "normal." I am but the answer was not satisfactory.

Remember that famed dentist who told mommy that it was unproven that teething hurts babies? Well, its a good thing he retired. Otherwise our next appointment was going to be with him to perhaps teach him the error of his ways. 

It could be worse. The great white shark can cut up to 50,000 teeth in a lifetime! That is some awful teething. No wonder sharks are such unhappy creatures. We would all be ornery predators if we had 50,000 teeth breaking through our gums. Of course, they do that over the course of their lifetime, but no lifetime is long enough to justify that many teeth or that much teething. 

Completely unrelated to teeth, tomorrow I have a hearing test. For this, I have to return to my very own hospital and undergo some sort of sedation. Then my brain waves will be tested for whether I can hear whatever it is they are going to play. The reason they have to do this is because, as a baby, I do not indicate by raising a hand or saying "yes I heard that sound" whenever I hear a sound. Actually, they don't even ask me as they just assume I won't tell them. 

And also, just to further trick the professionals, I have already mastered the art of selective listening. So the professional audiologists cannot determine whether or not I heard some of their random sounds played through speakers in a soundproof room since I don't react to them. And why would I react to their non entertaining and cliche beeps and buzzes? But play a significant sound, like, for instance, turn on a television, and I will hear the soft electric pop of the appliance being ignited. 

Oh well, maybe they will learn tomorrow. 

2 comments:

  1. ORRRRR....if someone across the ocean on Skype...starts saying "Daaaaaaa.....niiiiiiiiiii..................EL!" then he OF COURSE selectively chooses to scoot over to the computer to find me :)

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  2. We (Mimi, Auntie Fran and me) are praying for you at this very moment. Love you.

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