Not Your Average First Visit to the Dentist

A smile like this at the dentist's office?? You betcha!

Despite my parents' worst fears and their very low expectations, my first visit to a dentist ended not with tears or me unraveling in a fit, but instead with yours truly leading the lovely dentist in a rendition of Gangam style!

It took a baby and a Brazilian immigrant to turn a routine dental check up into a dance party. And that is not surprising, is it?

There was great cause for celebration since the dentist determined I apparently brush well enough to have healthy teeth (even though she doesn't know I mainly just suck the toothpaste out of the bristles) and I show no sign of using a cheechung (pacifier in Italian dialect). Good practice for my career as an undercover operative!

Despite the oral intervention, I maintained my cool

Abba was also very excited, if not shocked
by my exemplary behavior

Follow @nic_jansezian

At Least I'm not a Shark

When God posed the question "can a nation be born in a day?" what he actually was asking, using brilliant symbolism for what seemed impossible but could happen miraculously was: Can a baby cut all his teeth in one short period of time like in the same week or the same day even? And the answer is, apparently, yes! 

Not only I am plagued by the plague of some anonymous virus that is producing oceans of mucous that stream from my nose, but now I also have swollen gums and a veritable pending eruption of teeth, as the doctor put it. What a word: eruption. The word pending is also significant. It makes the whole matter worse since there is no predicting exactly when the teeth will cut through and the misery will be over. This could go on a long time. 

My gums are currently swollen to record levels. Enough to warrant a trip to the doctor to make sure I was "normal." I am but the answer was not satisfactory.

Remember that famed dentist who told mommy that it was unproven that teething hurts babies? Well, its a good thing he retired. Otherwise our next appointment was going to be with him to perhaps teach him the error of his ways. 

It could be worse. The great white shark can cut up to 50,000 teeth in a lifetime! That is some awful teething. No wonder sharks are such unhappy creatures. We would all be ornery predators if we had 50,000 teeth breaking through our gums. Of course, they do that over the course of their lifetime, but no lifetime is long enough to justify that many teeth or that much teething. 

Completely unrelated to teeth, tomorrow I have a hearing test. For this, I have to return to my very own hospital and undergo some sort of sedation. Then my brain waves will be tested for whether I can hear whatever it is they are going to play. The reason they have to do this is because, as a baby, I do not indicate by raising a hand or saying "yes I heard that sound" whenever I hear a sound. Actually, they don't even ask me as they just assume I won't tell them. 

And also, just to further trick the professionals, I have already mastered the art of selective listening. So the professional audiologists cannot determine whether or not I heard some of their random sounds played through speakers in a soundproof room since I don't react to them. And why would I react to their non entertaining and cliche beeps and buzzes? But play a significant sound, like, for instance, turn on a television, and I will hear the soft electric pop of the appliance being ignited. 

Oh well, maybe they will learn tomorrow. 

Follow @nic_jansezian

A Lament over What May or May not be Teething

Hand to mouth -

- An important move for a baby to learn

I've got it down rather well these days

If this isn't teething, I wonder what the real entry of teeth into this world will be like. I've endured several seasons of symptoms that all the baby websites say point to teething. Excessive drooling. Fussiness. Obsession with finger in mouth. Sometimes the whole hand when a finger is not enough. But all of these seasons have ended the same: with no teeth.

Right now, all of these symptoms are intensified. But what if I travail through all of this agony yet again and still to no avail? If this isn't teething, but just a mere baby season, then what will it take to cut some teeth?

According to mommy's dentist, I have nothing to worry about. A couple months ago, while about to undergo some of her own oral torture, mommy lightheartedly told the dentist of our little pact: that I would cut my teeth while under anesthesia for my upcoming operation so as to avoid what we thought was the inevitable pain of enamel breaking through tender skin. She thought that was amusing. What ensued, however, was an uncomfortable conversation.

Dr. Weiss: Yea 'they' say it hurts when babies get teeth.

Mommy: But doesn't it? I mean that is what conventional wisdom says.

Dr. Weiss: Well, we have no way of knowing. Babies can't tell us. They also say fevers and sleeplessness are associated with teething. But there isn't a conclusive connection and doctors don't support that.

Mommy: So you don't think teething hurts the babies?

Dr. Weiss: There is no evidence that it does. 

That left mommy a little stunned. Here was a dentist blatantly defending his profession against what he perceives are false accusations of mouth pain rather than taking the babies' side. It was almost like he was defending an entire career and profession of false accusations. Poor dentist, I almost pity him!

So I didn't cut any teeth while under anesthesia. Nevertheless, I continue to drool buckets worth of saliva. And I have taken to banging my chin hard against adult shoulders, and even the tile floor today. That was new and slightly frightening. Was this an attempt to ease my pain, whether phantom or real? Or was this just another inexplicable baby oddity that comes and, hopefully, goes?

I won't say. But certainly abba and mommy are left hoping this new behavior is connected to cutting teeth rather than having to get me checked out for head banging.

This

series

of

photos

is

for 

Mimi

and

GongGong!

Follow @nic_jansezian